mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize