think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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