You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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