Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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