Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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