My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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