Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
