I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
