I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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