I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I FOUND THE LEGS
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
