ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
