we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
