have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
