I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
