goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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