everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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