It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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