dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
