you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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