I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
