Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
