week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
