Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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