I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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