I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize