ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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