I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
