Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize