11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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