well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
