Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
