somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
