sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
