I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
