You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
