I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
