Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
