you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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