Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize