so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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