When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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