is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
