Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize