oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
