So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
