My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
