And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
