I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize