What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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