i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
