Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
