she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
