Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
