Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
