made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
