Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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