I think I won the penis lottery.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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