i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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