Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
