i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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