Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
