Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
