Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
