i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
