Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
