i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think i have herpe
just one?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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