I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
