i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
