I think scott just propositioned me for sex
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
