he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize