i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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