Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
