i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
