Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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