Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
