Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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