what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
