Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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