She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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