i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize