thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
