at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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