I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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