How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
