his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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