fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
