just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
