mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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