i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
