He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
