you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
