I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
