I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
