Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
