I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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