OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
