you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
