your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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