Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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