Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
