It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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