I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
