Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
