Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
