yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
